Tidying Up, Week 8 – Sparking Joy

Week 8 – Sparking Joy

Over the past eight weeks, I’ve explored criticism of the KonMari Method. If people are familiar with Marie Kondo, they usually have a strong opinion about her approach to clutter. I feel like a huge part of the backlash to Marie is some combination of 1) (possibly willful) ignorance of her method and message, and 2) a feeling of shame about not being more tidy in the first place, which can manifest as anger.[1] Reviewing her process (as well as popular criticism of it) and getting encouragement from loved ones over the past eight weeks has reminded me that “should” has no place in the KonMari Method, nor should it have any place in our lives.

Discarding Criticism

A friend of mine recently posted a link to the book The Joy of Leaving your Sh*t All Over the Place, by Jennifer McCartney, which was supposed to be a tongue-in-cheek journey through the light (or not so light) hoarding tendencies many of us experience and how difficult self improvement really is.[2] I tried very hard to read the entire book in preparation for this blog post, but I could only force myself through the first chapter before calling it quits. In all reality, no one should love this book or its concept more than I. My life is the perfect storm of mess, and clutter, and guilt, and failing to live up to housekeeping standards. In short, I am the target audience for this book. However, its central point was based on a complete (and intentional?) misreading of Marie Kondo’s The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up.[3]

While this book was published in 2016 and certainly wasn’t piling onto the social media backlash Marie received in 2019, the thing that really bothered me was that it felt more mean-spirited than humorous. Her rant extended from Marie, to her crazy followers, to anyone who might make any attempt at self improvement. I have known several people in my life who have nothing but negative comments about my attempts to undertake a new challenge (running a marathon or staring a diet), and those critics are the same ones unwilling or afraid to take any risks or try something new themselves. The negativity I felt in just the first chapter of this book – which she reminds readers once and again is intended to be humor – left me feeling emotionally exhausted.

But McCartney was so close: she tore into the myriad external pressures of what we should be doing, how we should be living our lives and cleaning our homes, what we should be holding onto vs. discarding. She talked about friends and family who have tried trendy challenges, either because they thought they should or because they thought it would solve their problems, and come out the other side angry, frustrated, and disappointed that they failed or it didn’t work. And that – our scramble to meet external expectations or someone else’s standards – is what we should be discarding.

In week one of this challenge, I wrote for hours about what would make me happy and what I wanted to get out of this process. I have worked for weeks (and will continue for probably months) to achieve that goal – my goal, no one else’s. I believe that if I approached this challenge trying to achieve someone else’s standards with a nebulous result of “I’ll be happier” at the finish line, I would be incredibly upset with myself – and Marie – right now. However, since I set goals for myself and (somewhat) consistently moved toward them, I can feel some level of satisfaction at my own progress. With support from my friends and family who are cheering me on and reminding me to be kind to myself, I am also finding joy in small wins along the way (like my Tupperware cabinet!), not just waiting for a dopamine rush at the finish line.

Cluttercore Aesthetic

I have come to terms with the fact that I will never live in a minimalist space, but that’s OK. Contrary to popular belief, Marie doesn’t want you to live in a space that isn’t going to make you happy. If you watch her show, she helps people who are overwhelmed by their clutter and can’t function in their own homes. She helps people who want to make a change and doesn’t force her method on people who don’t. In every episode of her show that I have watched, she never tells anyone to keep or discard something; she never tells anyone what decision to make, only how to approach the decision. And the homes are not minimalist by the end of the process – they are functional, and the residents are happy.

During the height of the Kondo backlash, there was a common perception that she (or one of her acolytes) was going to shame anyone who didn’t throw away all of their belongings in an attempt o make their homes look identical to hers. She tells you to listen to your heart when deciding whether to keep something. That does not sound very brutal to me. And for people like me (and Jennifer McCartney!), I love the little things I’ve collected over the years that remind me of the places I’ve been, the things I’ve done, and the people I’ve loved. And knowing that, Marie wants you to be able to see, and touch, and feel the joy that those things inspire, rather than having them packed away in boxes at the back of your attic.

I recently learned there is a decorating term that describes this approach: cluttercore. One article I saw online recently talking about the “cluttercore” aesthetic begins with the words “Step aside, Marie Kondo,” which of course made me shake my head… and also made me think that the person who wrote the headline didn’t actually read the article. I was heartened to see that the TikTok influencer featured in the article says that “Cluttercore is in no way a promotion of unhealthy hoarding of material objects and garbage, but rather an appreciation of things we can call our own.”[6] And appreciation of our things is the foundation of the KonMari Method.

Shinto Roots

Marie’s method has been described as brutal by some (trashing beloved possessions!) and insane by others (having conversations with your socks!). While these examples are exaggerated, her method is based on respect and gratitude for your belongings, which is rooted in Japan’s Shinto religion. In Shinto, it is believed that spirits inhabit all things. I don’t know if Marie herself identifies as Shinto, but the philosophy permeates Japanese culture to the point that approximately 80% of the population engages in Shinto activities, even if they don’t identify as Shintoist themselves.[7]

The idea here is that in respecting your possessions, you take care of them. Following this argument to the extreme, we could say that it does nothing for the spirit of an old shirt to sit at the bottom of a drawer, forgotten, when it could be fulfilling its purpose elsewhere with someone who will love and appreciate it. But, realistically, the benefit here is not just for the spirits of your possessions. As I discovered in Week Two of this challenge, thanking each item of clothing during my seven-hour folding marathon actually lifted my mood (and I hate doing laundry). I’ve since noticed the same feeling when putting away dishes (and I hate doing dishes). By taking the time to practice gratitude in little bits every day, I am reminded of how truly fortunate I am.

If the KonMari Method is not your thing, that’s OK. But I would encourage you to evaluate it on its own merits, not on what you may have gleaned from a meme that distilled information from a snarky internet article that missed Marie’s point entirely. And her point is this: figure out what brings you joy and let that inform your decisions. Visualize the future you want and understand why you want it – is it because of your own goals or because of some arbitrary external expectations? Work toward your goals, celebrating small successes and being kind to yourself in the rough patches.

These past eight weeks have been life-changing for me, but not in the way I expected. I thought the benefit would be having a tidier house at the end of the process, and there is some value there (though it probably won’t be achieved in full for several more months). It has been encouraging to document slow but steady progress, tidy common spaces and items with my husband, and encourage my friends as they encourage me. However, the real change has been in my attitude as I work toward my own goals (not someone else’s), and as I intentionally practice gratitude on a daily basis. I think it’s the change in me, not in my surroundings, that is where the magic comes in.

Thank you so much for reading.
(I’m grateful for you being here!)

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[1] https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/mindful-anger/201607/is-your-anger-cover-shame

[2] https://www.goodreads.com/en/book/show/26889743-the-joy-of-leaving-your-sh-t-all-over-the-place

[3] https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/22318578-the-life-changing-magic-of-tidying-up

[4] https://konmari.com/konmari-marie-kondo-tidy-challenge-week-eight/

[5] https://www.pinterest.com/pin/25614291619356902/

[6] https://i-d.vice.com/en_uk/article/bv8bgm/cluttercore-aesthetic-tiktok-explained-interiors

[7] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shinto

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