Every year that I have written a post on this blog about New Year’s resolutions, I have referenced the joke about Myers-Briggs personality types and how ENFPs like myself tend to go overboard – because we like making lists – but don’t really follow through with them. In an attempt to think more deeply about how I want to approach 2023, I decided to do some journaling about priorities and commitments. Once he found out what I was doing, Christian (who likes to provide tongue-in-cheek voice-overs of what I’m thinking as I write) stated in falsetto: “Resolution #1: to fill the remainder of this book with resolutions.”
Wherever the joke originated, Myers-Briggs does reference it and instead suggests more mindfulness, follow-through, and realistic expectations when it comes to resolutions for people of my personality type:[1]
- Work to focus your attention when talking to others, remembering that multitasking often looks like not paying attention
- Follow through by doing the things you say you are going to do
- Work on adding the word “no” to your vocabulary from time to time
I was rather pleased to stumble upon this list of suggestions for me and other ENFPs when writing this post because it actually aligned with my thought process this year as I started to formulate resolutions. Every year I assemble a list of things I “should” do without much thought as to what I hope to achieve, other than broad strokes of becoming a better person or a more responsible adult in the process. Unfortunately, along with most Americans, I fall off the wagon fairly early on in the new year and fail to keep many (or any) of them.
Image credit: [2]
Getting Out of the Resolution Rut
Instead, this year I did some thinking about what I actually want to get out of these resolutions, focusing on the reason behind them, rather than the activity itself. The process was akin to the first week of tidying with Marie Kondo, when I was supposed to determine what I wanted to achieve in the process, letting my ideal end result guide my decision-making as I tidied the house.[3] Having read a couple books this year that focused on mindfulness and intention, it made sense to start with the end in mind instead of creating a checklist of seemingly arbitrary goals to impose on myself.
The good news is that I think I already made some solid steps toward mindful, intentional living in 2022. Simply revisiting the types of subjects covered on this blog over the past 12 months has been illuminating – and I do think that even the act of researching, thinking, and writing about different subjects has been helpful for me as I examine why I do what I do… not only in staying informed about global energy issues or plastics proliferation, or ways we’re striving to support native flora and fauna in our own yard, but even making commitments to meet people where they are and try to bridge gaps in understanding and perspectives.
For some time now, I’ve looked at this blog as a way to take stock of my own knowledge, assumptions, and actions related to certain areas of interest, and focusing on the blog as a way to achieve mindful, sustainable living – rather than trying to achieve a certain level of clicks or readership goals – has been central in my continued adherence to this activity. I’ve even likened my Sunday morning sessions of learning, self-reflection, and informed commitment to changed behavior as my own equivalent of church.
I wrote about Catherine Price’s book The Power of Fun [4] in my recent music post.[5] She references Marie Kondo’s book The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up [6] when talking about her own journey of becoming more intentional with how she spends her time. At one point in her book, Price described a daily planner used by her friend that involved a practice of gratitude every morning and reflection every evening. I knew exactly what she was talking about because I used one myself for a time – I even knew where it was on my bookshelf.
Image credit: [7]
When All You have is a Hammer…
I remembered just how productive I was when using my Panda Planner,[8] and I thought about giving it a try again. Before ordering a new one, however, I thought to check and see if I had any more space in my old one. I did, and I looked back over what was happening when I last used it in May 2019 (just after I ran my last marathon). I’m not entirely sure why I stopped using it, but based on the completely unrealistic cramming of work and hobbies into a finite schedule, I can imagine it was because I was burning out on productivity.
Indeed, I remember seeing an ad for the planner when it was first on the market, and the woman using it was depicted as being super organized and productive, having all of her shit together. An ad similar to this one [9] worked on me, as someone who felt hopelessly disorganized with more to do than could possibly get done in the time available. Once I started to use it, I remember getting incredibly organized in a short period of time and crossing a massive number of items off my to-do list for work and for my hobbies. So why didn’t I stick with it? I can guess…
Whenever I pull off some kind of last-minute miracle with a tall task and a looming deadline, I move the goalposts, making an astonishing feat something that is simply expected the next time around, increasing the pressure. As I became more productive by organizing my tasks and getting them done, I also came to expect that I could complete whatever needed to be completed simply by adding it to my to-do list for the day. I am quite sure that as my unrealistic expectations started slamming up against the finite 1440 minutes in each day, I got discouraged and gave up, feeling like my efforts to consistently get more and more done (and lack of awareness that such a pace was unsustainable) were on the road to failure… and that I was inherently incapable of being a competent, productive person.
As I pulled out my old planner again – this time during the week before Christmas, when everything is in a natural state of frenzy to begin with, I set my priorities for each day to include some things that needed to get done but also some things that I wanted to make sure happened, such as quality time with Christian and the kitties. I continued the practice through Christmas week, marking things that needed to get accomplished (e.g. signing cards and baking cookies), but also things that I knew would make me feel more Christmassy (e.g. listening to Christmas carols and watching Christmas movies). And when I did make sure that I set aside time for things I wanted to do (not just things I had to do), I felt happier and more fulfilled.
Photo credit: Christian Korey
Intentional Improvements
It became very apparent in a short period of time that my success with this planner would hinge on how I used it – because it is ultimately a tool, and how you use a tool makes all the difference (i.e. you can use a hammer to build something or to break something apart). I realized I could use this planner as a way to shame myself for not meeting my own unrealistic expectations, or I could use it to make sure that I was carving out time for things I really needed. The latter, however, was dependent upon a level of self awareness that I lacked in 2019.
I’ve written a lot during the pandemic about how our lives have been stripped down to the essentials since spring 2020, and how I want to build back toward a new normal guided by my priorities, not others’ priorities,[10] a process influenced heavily by Marie Kondo. So, what do I want in the new year? Guided by outcomes, rather than activities, I identified the following priorities…
- More quality time and connection with Christian, family, and friends
- Limits on technology – use it to enhance connection, not to distract
- Continue Kondo-ing the house, get the man cave and fireplace useable by next Christmas
- More mindfulness in how I choose to spend my time, being more present
- More awareness, improving my ability to recognize and experience joy
- Morning and evening time to set intentions and reflect
- Charge phone downstairs overnight, explore digital detox of some kind
- Better physical health
- Test capabilities when it comes to running, get back into race shape if possible
- Prioritize proper nutrition, cooking healthy meals
- Better mental health
- Resilience and stress reduction through play
- Balance, understanding limits, setting reasonable expectations for myself
- Foster a sense that skills are learned rather than innate and that growth means imperfection and discomfort
In all likelihood, I’m sure that the means I use to achieve these goals will look a lot like some of the resolutions I’ve made in previous years, but my hope is that with a more meaningful end goal in mind, I can experiment more with how I get there, rather than giving up altogether if I miss a workout or cheat on a diet. And if you are a regular reader of this blog, you will probably see updates on some of those experiments in the months to come – from digital detoxing, to healthy cooking, to being kinder to myself as we continue to face the challenges of a new year.
~
If you are the New Year’s resolution type, I wish you success in your endeavors. If you are not, I wish you a happy and healthy 2023.
And thank you, as always, for reading!
[2] https://www.1809winchester.com/tips-for-sticking-to-your-new-years-resolutions/
[3] https://radicalmoderate.online/tidying-up-week-1/
[4] https://www.goodreads.com/en/book/show/57569793-the-power-of-fun
[5] https://radicalmoderate.online/angel-of-music-part-2/
[6] https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/22318578-the-life-changing-magic-of-tidying-up
[7] https://www.verywellmind.com/how-to-keep-your-new-years-resolutions-2795719
[9] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a-y6WDr2Vuo
[10] https://radicalmoderate.online/414-days-of-solitude/
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