This 300th post on this blog, going live on the heels of Day of the Dead, was written in memory of the woman who sang me protest songs as lullabies, took me canvassing for environmental action as soon as I could walk, signed me up for a banned books reading as soon as I could read, and taught me that my actions, however small, can make the world a better place.
Part 4
As I sat down to write this post, a friend from the UK asked how I was doing, how Pennsylvania was doing. I described the tension you could cut with a knife, the apprehension, the fact that we are collectively holding our breath. I know people who are afraid of one outcome, people who are equally afraid of the other, and people who are afraid of impending violence either way. The last thing I want to do is sugar-coat the last post in this year’s election series and imply that everything will be fine because it won’t be… not for a while and not without a lot of work from people who likely want no part in reaching out to “the other side.”
Final Stretch
The fact that this election is so incomprehensibly close and yet so intense speaks to a division fed by echo chambers and sound bites that rob complex situations of their nuance and people with opposing views of their humanity. No matter what happens on November 5, January 20, or any day in between, there will be people in this country who feel unseen, unheard, and unprotected. That is scary. And we know that – biologically – our fear response ramps up our emotions and limits our ability to think rationally… making us easier to manipulate.
I have written before about the very intentional emotional manipulation and election interference we’ve seen through social media, [1] which has only continued in subsequent years, despite the fact that we know it happens. Sitting at home, passively absorbing news and social media was about all we could do for those four long days four years ago, still deep in pandemic lockdown. As powerless as I felt then, it is still incredibly tempting to do the same thing this time: wear the same pajamas for days on end, rewatch familiar movies, drink heavily, and hold my breath as I refresh the electoral map, simultaneously wanting it to be over and wanting to delay a terrifying outcome.
Image credit: [2]
For years I have said that our two-party system is broken, with a growing “either/or,” “us vs. them” mentality that at least in appearance (if not reality) disenfranchises half the country depending on the result of an election every four years. For years I have desired something that doesn’t leave us with an “all or nothing” outcome – something that prioritizes cooperation and collaboration instead of a “win/lose” scenario. And for years I have been disappointed that – somehow, inexplicably – my ranting into the internet void hasn’t changed anything! But what I know is that if I can’t change the system myself, I can at least change my role in it and give myself a scrap of agency – and that is what I intend to do no matter what happens this time.
Growth Begins at the End of your Comfort Zone
In fact, I intend to start now, before we even know who will win, because we will need to heal these divisions either way. And to that end, I have been looking to multiple places for inspiration: to the National Governors Association and their “Disagree Better” campaign, [3] which I mentioned in last week’s post, [4] and closer to home, in Pittsburgh, to a duplex that has gotten some notoriety in recent weeks. In the neighborhood of Highland Park, there is a house boasting two eye-catching displays of political yard signs… for opposing sides… on either side of their shared front walk. Interestingly, these neighbors, who are ardent supporters of their respective sides, have shared the same duplex for 17 years – spanning five presidential elections, now – and actually get along with each other. They consider each other good neighbors and respect each other’s right to free speech (and over-the-top yard displays), despite their political differences. [5]
Not knowing them personally, I will assume that these families have a history of supporting each other as neighbors, which has built a strong relationship that may be strained but not broken by a difference of political views. When we don’t have a strong foundation in a relationship with someone else, a foundation that is built on mutual support and respect, it is incredibly easy to write off the other person based on a political view or a label. What I intend to do is take (or even create) opportunities in the coming weeks to build or rebuild relationships and identify ways to connect across the growing divide.
Image credit: [6]
To be perfectly clear: I said in last week’s post, but I will say once again, just so there is no confusion, that I am not suggesting an oppressed group try to find a middle ground with a group that is oppressing them, or that anyone enter a dangerous situation in the name of trying to get along better. There is a difference between scary and dangerous, and everything I say here will be about putting myself in uncomfortable, possibly scary, but not dangerous situations. And what that means is that those of us in positions of privilege have an outsized responsibility to do some emotional labor (at least as much as, but preferably more than, people who are scared or hurting).
Getting Uncomfortable
There were traditionally three topics not to be discussed at the dinner table or in polite company: money, religion, and politics. While avoiding controversial topics or hot-button issues can make for a more pleasant evening, I also believe that avoiding difficult conversations altogether has robbed us of critical skills, notably curiosity, empathy, and the ability to attack the position, not the person who holds it. Being vulnerable – even in a safe space – can be scary as hell, which is why we tend not to do it, choosing instead to retreat to comfortable places where we can reinforce our own positions with like-minded pundits and comedians instead of working to understand why someone with different lived experiences has a different perspective.
If you know me personally or have been reading this blog for any length of time, you know that I am unlikely to do something without some semblance of imposed structure (even then there are no guarantees – just look at my nonexistent marathon training). In doing research for this blog series, I came across an effort called “Starts With Us,” which is focused on limiting the political divisiveness in our country. Among their initiatives is a “Polarization Detox Challenge,” a four-week series of (almost) daily activities geared toward stepping outside your comfort zone to the extent of how much time and energy you have to spend – in other words, perfect for me. [7]
Image credit: [8]
The activities involve identifying your own perspectives and behaviors, investigating contradictory information and opinions, disrupting patterns and habits (including changing your physical location), and assessing what in your own life is contributing to division or connection. And you can continue the challenge by repeating the activities as much as you want. This process of healing such an enormous divide will take notably longer than four weeks, and as humans we will always have opportunities to grow and do better, so this challenge may be something I continue to do over time.
I’m honestly feeling very tired right now after a long, challenging year and a long, challenging election cycle. I don’t particularly want to do much of anything at this point, but I also feel like I owe it to the people and country I love so much to do what I can on this front. And with that, I’ll extend an invitation to you, dear reader, to join me in this Polarization Detox Challenge for however long you’d like, at whatever activity level works for you – and to let me know how it’s going… and if you disagree with me.
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And, finally, if you haven’t yet voted, if you haven’t yet decided, please – for the love of our country, of our democratic republic – do your research and make a plan to make your voice heard. In case it helps, I am including my research regarding the races on my ballot.
Thank you for reading.
[1] https://radicalmoderate.online/november-2020-elections-part-2/
[2] https://www.pghcitypaper.com/pittsburgh/dueling-lawns/Slideshow/26816183
[3] https://www.nga.org/disagree-better/
[4] https://radicalmoderate.online/2024-general-election-part-3-the-quiet-majority/
[6] https://www.reddit.com/r/memes/comments/jnp69a/vote_turkey/?rdt=33006
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